{He}art + Mind + Body

F**ked up F**king July 11, 2007

Back-to-basics #3, on another important Heart-related matter. A recent comment here revealed the astute revelation of a certain so-called spiritual master: “When Nietzsche declared ‘God is dead’, Fuck became the most important word in the English language.“

And what’s more basic or likely to grab your attention? Sex is on everybody’s mind, and there’s no escaping it. It sells. Most people would attribute the sexual drive as a top factor in our conditioning, if not the number one. We are all here as a result of it.

Now, you’re not going to hear this anywhere else, and I’ve never heard anyone ever say what I’m about to on the subject, but this lengthy piece explores the amazing juxtaposition of the word “Fuck” in it’s various connotations. Wow! Can I say that?

I can’t think of another word which contains more paradoxical emotions associated in it, but it’s worth considering. I had figured it’s origins to be Latin or French (fuque?), but actually it’s shrouded in mystery, and likely of Anglo-Saxon origin, which would make it an essential English word for sure.

Think for a moment the vastly opposite meaning we associate with the word.
A great T-shirt might say
“Fuck me,
or Fuck you!”
which would sum up the general attitude much of society seems to have on the subject. And society seems so “screwed-up” on so many levels. Media calls it one of the high supreme pleasures one could have . . . or the lowest expression of hatred. How can this be possible?

There may be nothing better than to have a lover gasp breathlessly into your ear, in it’s most intimate form “… fuck me…,” or anything worse to have a hater publicly shout “Fuck you!” at you. The former economically relies on simple mindless repeating, again and again. The latter exercises imagination to it’s limits, combining in outrage a slew of bizarre associations envisioning your mama, and possibly goats.

Is there a problem with this? I’d say so, given how often one aspect leads to the other. It’s funny, shocking, but completely understandable and familiar, to witness a “crime of passion” borne out repeatedly on court room and crime TV, literature and film , a la Fatal Attraction or Dangerous Liaisons. Thanks Glenn Close, for your awesome portrayals of how once you f’, you’re f’ed ─ the 2-sides of the same phrase in question!!

Maybe multiple sexual partners isn’t the great thing society’s media leads us to believe it is. When sexual mechanics become just a fun end to itself, what might it lead to – besides STDs??

Kids, obviously, or at least pregnancy. John Lennon once insightfully observed that probably 90% of us are here due to a fun Saturday night. He said we are mostly all “unwanted.” I’d say unplanned for sure, and hopefully the wanted part comes later. Even so, kids aren’t necessarily bad, but there’s the hard hit on society’s collective esteem. With all its life-changing fiats and sudden emotional surprises like fear, resentment, indifference, guilt, etc. having a child colors the whole world in it’s unique hue. Love is rarely the dominant sensibility. Sadly and remarkably,“Homicide is a leading cause of pregnancy-associated injury deaths,” Chang and colleagues wrote in the American Journal of Public Health in 2005. Abortion is a separate topic.

Power is another widely felt aspect of sexual practice, often one-sided. The biblical sin of Sodom and Gommorrah was rape (not homosexuality as commonly thought). If it’s not rape, perhaps fucking is consensual rape(?), if it’s using another person for conquest, physical release, and/or some kind of ego-validation. Occasionally sexual power is turned against oneself as well, in the form of debasing addictions or fetiches (slavery?).

Call me a romantic, but I believe the sexual union to be more like Christmas (pick your own favorite holiday), than a booty call. Never to never be a one-sided end to itself, but a means to a special connection on a deep human level. The judeo-christian scriptures talk about the “two becoming one flesh,” which goes along with the hindu concept that sex symbolizes a great union, where the man has “something extra” he seeks to give, and the woman has “an empty space” she seeks to fill. The union of opposites. Yin/Yang. Viva la difference!

I once read early on that sex indebts ourselves karma-wise, to that person forever, which had a wide effect in changing my thinking. Is this action worth it? Is it’s value worth calculating, or is sowing wild oats best expended in mindless volume? How many partners will you allow to “get under your skin,” or divide your heart? And we all know whoever we sleep with, we also “sleep”with everyone they ever have …

It’s remarkable to me that humans can blush with embarrassment. What evolutionary function might this have? Besides the fact that humans have developed an also unique face-to-face coital position, to separate us from other mammals, what else is different about us? Certainly there is a sensually liberating wildness to sex which is fundamentally arousing, but for people, it’s different than animals doing it on the Discovery channel.

My ideal understanding of sex, is essentially a physical/spiritual union of profound mutual (two-sided) empowerment, given growth in time. To have a healthy dose of respect, honor, devotion, tenderness and love on a mental, emotional, physical, and deeper level, is perhaps the greatest gift to ourselves and the other, and the most important decision we can say “yes” to in this life. To nurture and cherish this connection has lasting benefits to both partners and has no shame. One may not see this for years, but given time, never without difficulty, love blossoms. Soulmates become.

Simple indulgence, joining then ripping away, no doubt can have significant negative impact upon our psyche. Lost sight of trust, and deep sharing relationships, is a hard price to pay. Yes, we’re all incompatible in some ways, and those areas should be apparent at the beginning – but compatibility strengthens with time. Weighing the compatibility risks for a relationship needs to be explored before sex (read: fucking) skews (fucks) the human chemistry.

Too many people become experts in insulating themselves from the embarrassment factor, and suppressing the blush and shame from having severed intimate involvement. Society “Bobbitizes” itself constantly by doing this, IMHO.

For perhaps not a bad reason, marriage is basically a sacred oath of commitment, but like so many physical relationships it can be casually fallen into, then commonly broken away. Along goes a piece of our trusting hearts forever. Too often if not a shared break-up, one can suffer terribly, and lives are shattered – fucked up – for a long time. Songs are written about it. Lives are lost.

Yeah, well we all make mistakes … me included. The profound benefit for sexual couples is rarely seen in this light, because such insight is understood by very few of us . . . no thought given, no impulse controlled, no matter how many experiences we fool ourselves into saying it’s all ok, harmless fun. Maybe you’ve read all this and think I’m full of shit, but that’s another word for another topic. Just admit there’s a weird kamasutraesque juxtaposition between the 2 meanings of that word “fuck,” and fuck off, will ya?

So in conclusion, everyone tell your kids, step-kids, fosterkids, and god-children, whenever the time is right, “Fuck and you’re fucked! May you love, and be loved forever!”