Reborn again
as re-posted from mymyspacespace:  myspace.com/somedaysunlight

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A portion of an ancient celtic poem “The Book of Taliesin” forms the inspiration for these lines. http://www.maryjones.us/ctexts/t07.html (near end). I borrow just 2 or 3 allusions, recreating them with personal meaning and infusing them with new reference and with rhyme, copying only the very first and last line. Seers who would peer into future possibilities, must first be aware of the past. To know where one is to go, one must know whence one came. History is the power and authority behind todays steps, for our yesterdays form our tomorrows.

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The second time I was created
I was a salty wave which kissed the shore
I was a leaf shading the oak that bore me
I was a cougars’ roar

I was a spawning salmon living only for my children
I was a falcon winging o’er crag
I was a roe buck clinging to mountain
I was the noble stag

I was a treasure beneath a rock
I was a digging spade
I was a key that fit the lock
I was an ever glade

I was a double-edged sword
for a year and a day
before I was a short-lived flame
I was a dogwood bloom in May

I was a web-weaver
so too I was a fly
I was the sweetest honey comb
I was a horse you could not ride

I was a brave young bull
I was a field of clover
I was a freshwater spring
that bubbled up and over

I was a blackberry once
despite my many thorns,
my enemy the blue jay swallowed me
in nine months I was reborn

I was forsaken until I was taken
and borne upon the living word
I became a river of life
and so I was restored

I was once a Woolly Bear
and in just one life I gave
the chrysalis but not a grave
and so a butterfly became

Ever child, born of woman
today with princely strive
I am now a man
I was dead, I was alive

gadz this old place is so sterile and bleu

a shock of new hue will do

for time and space

will brighten up this place

a new road ahead

new ways are open to tread

why waste time

with no rhythm and rhyme

so on it goes ….

with ebb and flow

to finally reach

what the heart will teach

completing the puzzle within

before outer journey begins.

What is this place?

How time flies …

I’ve busy trying to solve the paradoxical conundrum:

if 2 x “U” = Double “U”

then

howcome half of “W” = “V” ??

As I look back on over a year of recording my musings online, I notice with some interest that at each step of triumph, there comes a challenge that severely tests me at that place and time. I smile to myself as I see how puny those problems were. It can always be worse, and “knock wood” it won’t. All we can hope for is to expect the best . . . and prepare for the worst, and hope we learn not to make the same mistakes, or continue to go over old worn out patterns again in futility.

If it don’t kill ya, it hunts you down until it does … unless you use your brain!

Today I face the biggest challenge yet, with possible bigger ones in its’ wake, unless I step very carefully. There’s no reason to indulge in frivolous blogspiel under these circumstances, so I won’t for now. Thanks goodness for friends - the good ones who stick with you.

Who know what will happen? Perhaps someday ….

Wish me luck!

Peace & Love, Buhbye!

Well, well, take me back out to the ballgame! The 7th Inning in Baseball has traditionally been a time, late in the game, when a break is needed, and people stand up and stretch after a long, uncomfortable sit. There’s music, a song to be sung, maybe a bit of staged fun … and often it’s the last call for beer!

Life has just offered me a brand new opportunity. Sad, scary, and exciting all at the same time, and at my age, and I’d better run with it - as said to me by the young man on the radio call in spot. He’s the one who said I’m in the 7th Inning of life. Yeah I was actually on the radio.

I remain rooting for the home team, but then again I dont care if I never get back.

… stay tuned for more “interesting times” and announcements!

Been trying to keep busy re-educating myself in 3D basics, and stretching what I know to get some portfolio items accomplished. One would think I learned stuff like how to make water or terrain in my Certificate course, but sadly no … so here I’ve tried to “yoke the two oxen” together.

Click to make bigger.

Also working on a tree, with leaf textures, to create an array, as well as a simply low poly model of Lara Croft. She should be fun to rig, so I can get back into animation. How can I have a portfolio without a buxom babe?

One key to educating yourself is UNlearning as much as learning. An important lesson for me in personal growth, is observing how so many people have set sincere beliefs in something which are either misguided, out of focus, or pure delusion. Self-deception is amazing and rampant. Me included.

Also amazing is how my work assignments often reflect these topics.

Below are 2 Flash pieces I did on Freud’s ideas and influence on society …

Freud was revolutionary in changing how we see ourselves, our thoughts, and behaviors - not that he knew or figured out everything . . .
But we are only human, so patience, and a sense of humor is required when turning on a healthy skepticism within our critical reasonings, and self examination.

Plus, as I often suggest, keeping a zen-approach by quieting the over-reaching, sense-of-it-all-making rational mind, while pleading to the heavens for guidance, seems to help . . . somewhere a lock clicks open.

Heart Mind Body. Does anything else matter?

unfinished oil painting (with photoshop)

“Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?

One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever.

The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.

All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again.

All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.”

from the Bibles’ Ecclesiastes “She who gathers”, written about 250 BC.

“All things are full of labour.” Everyone and all things work - have activity - have occupation - over and over - there is no end. This is noble, This is true.

Let’s get working.

… but first get educated.

Life is full of wonder. I wonder why we easily fill up our lives with needless schtuff, and quickly forget or take for granted our key essentials. It’s a wonder how helpless and defenseless we can be in the face of the cultural conditioning onslaught we receive from our parents, peers, and society’s media which allow us to “fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.”

Sex, eating, breathing, thinking, feeling, imagining and sleeping reveal more about our shared human condition than we might give credit to. I’m attempting to re-capture a big picture sense of the commonplace universal essentials of life, and elevate them to their noble, sacred positions for re-consideration and re-integration.

This is said to simply re-dedicate this blog. Where I am coming from is to offer an artist/philosopher’s insight, for what it’s worth. I can do no less, given the weight years of experience and contemplation have given me. I am eager to offer these ideas, and discuss them whenever possible. These blessays (blog-essays?) will become my personal record of thought ether and techno pixels, to live and stand out here in cyberspace on their own merits. I’ll attempt to order them in a sort of sequencial revelation of relevance and importance, hoping that helps.

The “Heart” page tab above will become archives for these “thinking points” which I’ll try posting once a week (along with other blog stuff). Unless I get comments, I’ll just remove them from my home page and list them down in chronological order on the Heart page.

Never stop learning, expanding, growing, sharing, giving …

Like Erasmus once said “The more I learn, the less I know.” He carried it to its logical conclusion in that he learned so much that he recognized that he knew nothing. There it gets down to simply being - a fully integrated, fulfilled creature of Life.

Turn it on.  

Back-to-basics #3, on another important Heart-related matter. A recent comment here revealed the astute revelation of a certain so-called spiritual master: “When Nietzsche declared ‘God is dead’, Fuck became the most important word in the English language.“

And what’s more basic or likely to grab your attention? Sex is on everybody’s mind, and there’s no escaping it. It sells. Most people would attribute the sexual drive as a top factor in our conditioning, if not the number one. We are all here as a result of it.

Now, you’re not going to hear this anywhere else, and I’ve never heard anyone ever say what I’m about to on the subject, but this lengthy piece explores the amazing juxtaposition of the word “Fuck” in it’s various connotations. Wow! Can I say that?

I can’t think of another word which contains more paradoxical emotions associated in it, but it’s worth considering. I had figured it’s origins to be Latin or French (fuque?), but actually it’s shrouded in mystery, and likely of Anglo-Saxon origin, which would make it an essential English word for sure.

Think for a moment the vastly opposite meaning we associate with the word.
A great T-shirt might say
“Fuck me,
or Fuck you!”
which would sum up the general attitude much of society seems to have on the subject. And society seems so “screwed-up” on so many levels. Media calls it one of the high supreme pleasures one could have . . . or the lowest expression of hatred. How can this be possible?

There may be nothing better than to have a lover gasp breathlessly into your ear, in it’s most intimate form “… fuck me…,” or anything worse to have a hater publicly shout “Fuck you!” at you. The former economically relies on simple mindless repeating, again and again. The latter exercises imagination to it’s limits, combining in outrage a slew of bizarre associations envisioning your mama, and possibly goats.

Is there a problem with this? I’d say so, given how often one aspect leads to the other. It’s funny, shocking, but completely understandable and familiar, to witness a “crime of passion” borne out repeatedly on court room and crime TV, literature and film , a la Fatal Attraction or Dangerous Liaisons. Thanks Glenn Close, for your awesome portrayals of how once you f’, you’re f’ed ─ the 2-sides of the same phrase in question!!

Maybe multiple sexual partners isn’t the great thing society’s media leads us to believe it is. When sexual mechanics become just a fun end to itself, what might it lead to - besides STDs??

Kids, obviously, or at least pregnancy. John Lennon once insightfully observed that probably 90% of us are here due to a fun Saturday night. He said we are mostly all “unwanted.” I’d say unplanned for sure, and hopefully the wanted part comes later. Even so, kids aren’t necessarily bad, but there’s the hard hit on society’s collective esteem. With all its life-changing fiats and sudden emotional surprises like fear, resentment, indifference, guilt, etc. having a child colors the whole world in it’s unique hue. Love is rarely the dominant sensibility. Sadly and remarkably,“Homicide is a leading cause of pregnancy-associated injury deaths,” Chang and colleagues wrote in the American Journal of Public Health in 2005. Abortion is a separate topic.

Power is another widely felt aspect of sexual practice, often one-sided. The biblical sin of Sodom and Gommorrah was rape (not homosexuality as commonly thought). If it’s not rape, perhaps fucking is consensual rape(?), if it’s using another person for conquest, physical release, and/or some kind of ego-validation. Occasionally sexual power is turned against oneself as well, in the form of debasing addictions or fetiches (slavery?).

Call me a romantic, but I believe the sexual union to be more like Christmas (pick your own favorite holiday), than a booty call. Never to never be a one-sided end to itself, but a means to a special connection on a deep human level. The judeo-christian scriptures talk about the “two becoming one flesh,” which goes along with the hindu concept that sex symbolizes a great union, where the man has “something extra” he seeks to give, and the woman has “an empty space” she seeks to fill. The union of opposites. Yin/Yang. Viva la difference!

I once read early on that sex indebts ourselves karma-wise, to that person forever, which had a wide effect in changing my thinking. Is this action worth it? Is it’s value worth calculating, or is sowing wild oats best expended in mindless volume? How many partners will you allow to “get under your skin,” or divide your heart? And we all know whoever we sleep with, we also “sleep”with everyone they ever have …

It’s remarkable to me that humans can blush with embarrassment. What evolutionary function might this have? Besides the fact that humans have developed an also unique face-to-face coital position, to separate us from other mammals, what else is different about us? Certainly there is a sensually liberating wildness to sex which is fundamentally arousing, but for people, it’s different than animals doing it on the Discovery channel.

My ideal understanding of sex, is essentially a physical/spiritual union of profound mutual (two-sided) empowerment, given growth in time. To have a healthy dose of respect, honor, devotion, tenderness and love on a mental, emotional, physical, and deeper level, is perhaps the greatest gift to ourselves and the other, and the most important decision we can say “yes” to in this life. To nurture and cherish this connection has lasting benefits to both partners and has no shame. One may not see this for years, but given time, never without difficulty, love blossoms. Soulmates become.

Simple indulgence, joining then ripping away, no doubt can have significant negative impact upon our psyche. Lost sight of trust, and deep sharing relationships, is a hard price to pay. Yes, we’re all incompatible in some ways, and those areas should be apparent at the beginning - but compatibility strengthens with time. Weighing the compatibility risks for a relationship needs to be explored before sex (read: fucking) skews (fucks) the human chemistry.

Too many people become experts in insulating themselves from the embarrassment factor, and suppressing the blush and shame from having severed intimate involvement. Society “Bobbitizes” itself constantly by doing this, IMHO.

For perhaps not a bad reason, marriage is basically a sacred oath of commitment, but like so many physical relationships it can be casually fallen into, then commonly broken away. Along goes a piece of our trusting hearts forever. Too often if not a shared break-up, one can suffer terribly, and lives are shattered - fucked up - for a long time. Songs are written about it. Lives are lost.

Yeah, well we all make mistakes … me included. The profound benefit for sexual couples is rarely seen in this light, because such insight is understood by very few of us . . . no thought given, no impulse controlled, no matter how many experiences we fool ourselves into saying it’s all ok, harmless fun. Maybe you’ve read all this and think I’m full of shit, but that’s another word for another topic. Just admit there’s a weird kamasutraesque juxtaposition between the 2 meanings of that word “fuck,” and fuck off, will ya?

So in conclusion, everyone tell your kids, step-kids, fosterkids, and god-children, whenever the time is right, “Fuck and you’re fucked! May you love, and be loved forever!”